you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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