Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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