look no pants
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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