i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
