this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
