He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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