I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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