the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
