I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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