I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
