someone threw a dead crab at me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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