JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
