Im at strip club and am horny
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ugly people sure do ruin things
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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