i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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