I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
