Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
