Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
