her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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