I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
