I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
