i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
