woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
