Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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