I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
