have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
