Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
