i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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