why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
