i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
