Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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