Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
should my penis look like a turkey
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
