Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
