Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
