Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
