my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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