My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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