I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
