LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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