it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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