are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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