I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
