Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
