I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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