Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Too much gin, very little bucket
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
