HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
