you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
