woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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