So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
