He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
