Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
